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Don't hate me!

Hello,

I have just come across this community and I'm thrilled,It is so hard to find other only children who understand how hard it can be.
I'm 24 and grew up as an only child with a single parent mother,by my dad (our relationship is....) I have a 12 year old half brother who is in foster care and a 2 year old half sister I have never met.
My relationship with my mother to the outside world is wonderful everyone sees her as some sort of heroine and me the poor child with issues.
You know what they say about not knowing what goes on behind closed doors?
My mother had some serious issues because of my grandmother and being the carer for her and me took it's toll,all of which for a young child I understood.
Now that I'm older I understand that I was used alot of the time because she was lonely and isolated.I never knew where I stood, one minute she was suffocating and in my space then I was ignored.If I tried to get her to do things I was brutally shouted at and lived in fear.She did all the housework and if I tried to help god forbid! I grew up in my own world playing with my toys and reading books,I wasn't aware the house needed to be cleaned or anything like that.I wasn't allowed out and had to stay with her or had to stick with the children of the two friends she had.I don't have time to go into her drama filled (which I was heavily involved in) on off relationship with'X' (they are getting married next month)
I was a good kid up untill 18 and 'X' came back into our lives and I had a late teenage rebellion.
Today I struggle with my feelings about her and I struggle with everyday life and people.I find I have severe authority issues and am constantly struggling to catch up emotionally,connect with people and still looking for my mothers approval.
I've been deemed selfish by some,I have sorted myself out alot in the past few years but I'm sorry I have to survive.
I'm also aware I've picked up quite a few tendencies and have decided not to have any children of my own.
I was watching a tv show a few months back where an only child had issues with his mother and It was something like 'He's an only child he may hate her guts but he can't live without her' understood completely.

Please don't flame me I just needed to get this out.

Comments

nycgirl1998
Oct. 19th, 2007 05:59 pm (UTC)
Welcome! Vent away all you want. It sounds like despite all your difficult times with your Mom, you've realized what issues you still have to "work" on for you to make a better life for yourself. She'll always be your Mom, but gaining your independence and realizing you have a life of your own is the best outlook for you to have :-)

Good luck with everything.

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mom and boy
theoneandonly_1
Parenting An Only Child

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