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Message From The Mod... Again

Last week I asked for comments from people who would be interested in becoming the new moderator of this group. NO ONE responded. I'm no longer interested in maintaining this group, so unless someone else is willing to step up and assume responsibility for the community, I will be deleting it on Wednesday. If you are interested in becoming the new moderator, please reply to this post. All comments are screened.

Thanks.

Question from the Mod

Would anyone here be interested in being the new moderator of this community? I've been unable to generate any real participation amongst members, and I'm hopeful that someone else might be able to breathe life into this place.

Please respond to this post if you would like to be the new moderator. I ask simply that you tell me your name, why you'd like to be the mod, and if you have experience maintaining other communities.

Comments are screened.

Thanks!

Waving hello...

Hi everyone.

My name's Kristy and I'm a 27 years old only child from Australia. I've recently started dating an only child and the number of similarities I see in the way we think and act made me start reflecting on my childhood as an only. So, I did what I always do when I want to know more about something - I bought a book and did an LJ interests search.

I've been reading The Only Child: How to Survive Being One by Jill Pitkeathley and David Emerson (highly recommended for anyone that hasn't read it) and so many parts have made me think "OMG! I'm exactly like that!"

I think when (if) I'm ready to have children, I'd only want one, but I think being aware of the - I don't want to say problems - quirks that being an only brings is important.

In the interests of generating discussion, I've been thinking about what will happen when my parents get old. I've noticed in past posts some parents commenting about what will happen to their children when they're gone - will they be lonely? I think my parents want to see me settled with children of my own because they're scared of that. But I worry more about when they need care. When they need to go to a nursing home, or what happens when one of them dies. I won't have the support of a sibling to help me make decisions, and if they need care at home, I'm the only option as a carer.

This is something my BF is going through at the moment as he is his father's carer. Funnily enough, I see him being less bitter about it then another friend who is carer to his mother. My friend is angry at his siblings because he gets no help from them, whereas the BF just sees it as his responsibility and gets on with the job.

Have other onlies thought about this? Have parents thought about what they want to happen when they reach that age?

Jan. 22nd, 2007

Greetings!  As per the community's direction, here's my newbie post:

I live in Chicago with my hubby and our 27 month old daughter. We are fine with just the one.  Hubby and I cite numerous reasons: finances, age (we're both almost 40), ethics, etc., but the bottom line is that we have had our childbirth experience, and now we are done. We didn't marry with the intention of having lots of kids in the first place. If we did, we'd have started sooner and would live closer to our families.

I had a ridiculously easy time conceiving, and a good, healthy pregnancy. It was followed, however, by an eleventh-hour Cesarian delivery, my offspring being whisked away to the NICU right out of the oven, and brutal post-partum depression. My birth and afterbirth experience only supports our theory that "one is enough", at least for us. (Some of our friends, conception and pregnancywise, aren't so lucky. Not to make light of it, but if I could lend out my "equipment" for them to use for as long as they need, I'd do it in a New York minute.)

Dear hubby and I both have one younger brother each. His childhood was sane and nurturing, but mine was just awful. My brother and I didn't get along at all when we were growing up. Our family would tell us that when we are adults that would change, but while the physical/verbal harming of each other has stopped, we still aren't any closer. So, when my mother -- an only child -- tells me how lonely she was, I remind her that having a sibling doesn't guarantee anything.  Most of the only children I know had friends anyway, so they didn't feel like they were missing out.

That's it for now. Thanks for letting me be a part of your community here.

Today's discussion

I don't know how many of you read the washingtonpost.com blog "On Balance" by Leslie Morgan Steiner. Today's discussion of aging parents and the "sandwich generation" included quite a few about only children, so I thought I'd provide the link to it.

http://blog.washingtonpost.com/onbalance/2007/01/the_sandwich_generation_search.html

I haven't read through all the comments -- no time here at work to do so -- but I thought some of them would resonate with this community.
Does anyone else feel the need to encourage their child into lots of outside activities/places to meet other children because they've only got one?

I'm perfectly happy with only having one child, but I do feel particularly (self)-pressured to make sure I don't miss toddler groups, because it's the only time my son gets to interact with other children. Am I just overly paranoid? He's not necessarily going to have no social skills just because he's not around other children much and I don't have any social skills myself... or is he?!?

My intro

Hi!  I just joined the community and thought I'd introduce myself.  I'm a 29 year old, married work-at-home mom to a 3 year old boy.  We'd always thought we'd have 2 kids, somewhat close in age, until we had ours and went into some major debt paying off medical costs associated with having him and having my gall bladder removed about 6 months after he was born, since we were under-insured.  It was a hard decision at first but now we've made our peace with it and couldn't imagine it any other way.  We're happy to be able to focus all our time and resources to make sure our son has the best life possible, without totally spoiling him of course!

One of our major issues, which I'm sure is true for most parents of onlies, is dealing with the pressure of family and friends to have another.  You know, to have someone to keep our son company.  I have a hard time explaining to people that I think that's a bad reason to have another child, even if you have more than one child, you can't guarantee that they're going to get along and enjoy each other's company...and our family feels complete as is.  I just worry as DS gets older, that people's comments will have him thinking he's being deprived of something.  I've always been a firm believer in letting people be with their decisions as long as it works for them and nobody is being hurt in the process so it frustrates me when people can't leave me alone about my decisions.  DS is a happy, healthy, well adjusted kid, so what's the problem?

Right now I'm reading The Seven Common Sins of Parenting An Only Child by Carolyn White which has been making me feel better about things, but also seems to make only children look like smart, manipulative little creatures that parents must learn how to control, which scares me.  I just don't want DS to end up being a spoiled brat so I'm looking for any advice that people might have.  I know lots of lovely people who are onlies so I know it doesn't have to be that way.  I'm also looking to share with other parents of onlies and onlies themselves so I don't feel like I'm the only one out there!
What do you think the main differences are between having one child and having more than one child? I know it sounds like an obvious question, but I'm not so sure it is.
... about the decision to have (or not have) a second child. What do you think of this post?

by Lauren Young at Business Week Online

Introduction

Hi Everyone!  I'm new here, so I thought I would introduce myself. My name is Michelle and I joined about a week or 2 ago, when I stumbled across this community :-)  I was pleasantly surprised to discover this community and now, from catching up on some past posts, am glad it did not end up being deleted!

I'm 38, live and work in NYC as a Financial Analysis Manager at an auction house (art & antiques).  I've been married to my husband Jose for 7 years now.  I technically am NOT an only child.  I am the only child from my biological Mom & Dad.  My parents were divorced when I was 3, and my Mom met my Step Dad when I was about 7, so he's the one who really raised me and has been in my life.  He was previously married and had 3 children.  My biological father re-married and also had 3 more children.  However, I've never really kept in touch with any of them and have grown up living the life of an only child.  I have lots of cousins, so I've never felt lonely.  I have a few good friends that I've had for ages now that to me ARE my sisters and brothers, so I've never regretted being an only child :-)

We currently do not have any children (except for our cat Betty), but have been thinking about starting a family in the next year or so.  We really feel that we only want one child - unless we end up having twins, which do run in my family :-P

I hope to share some good stories, ideas and interests with everyone on this community :-)

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Parenting An Only Child

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